Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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