Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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