Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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