obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
