chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
