Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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