Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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