you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
