Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
