i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
