yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
