Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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