I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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