man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
