She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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