I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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