there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
