I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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