it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
