You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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