I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
