so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
