I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
