Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
