Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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