I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
