I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
