i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
