SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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