My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
