Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
