the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
