wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
