Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
