So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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