Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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