i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
