I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
