I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
