$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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