no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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