Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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