I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
