no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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