Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have post one night stand depression
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
