just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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