Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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