If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
