Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
