My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
