we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
