so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
