Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
