I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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