Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
