Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
