Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
