I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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