They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize