I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she smelled like a LAN party
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
