totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
