Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
