yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
