It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
