She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
