3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
