my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
