she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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