Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize