I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
