If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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