You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
